just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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