i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
