youre lurking in front of me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
