Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
