so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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