Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
