I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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