Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
