We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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