toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
