Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
there is puke in my bra ... again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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