Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
