I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
