I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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