i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the day after is always just damage control
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
