Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
