You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
