It's Friday. Sex?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
