You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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