Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
