my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
