See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it because I queefed?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I could fuck to npr.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
