I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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