youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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