and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
