that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
