he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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