no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
