stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
