Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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