I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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