then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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