She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
