Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
