Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
