You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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