So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
