My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
