My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Randomize
