Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
