This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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