there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
How external is "for external use only"?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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