i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
