guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He kissed a someone with a penis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
