When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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