No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
