My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
