He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
