Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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