We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
