I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
