Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
