the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
